Decisions...♥

Hmm...
What to write?

Well, since I've named this post 'decisions', I'll talk about decisions!
Haha...
I've decided to use this blog's posts as a kinda diary... i may drop in to say stuff, thoughts that i lack voice to say... as always, it is easier to express myself on writing...

Arh...
Chinese?
English?
Which language should i use? But that depends on who reads this blog... if anybody does...
Just noting that this blog was mainly meant for selfish purposes... simply a place to express thoughts... Sorry if i offend anyone, or if anyone dislikes what i write/do on this blog...
I supposed i just need some space to fret over things, things that do not matter... this is my personality... i just need to do something that will, say, let things out... even when i may very well be talking to myself...

Chinese-- easier to say sentimental stuff... its just that, and also its quite nice to express stuff in Chinese... BUT, the problem is that i take ages to type it =.=. My current Chinese typing system is not very, er, efficient, since its not like, QWERTY (keyboard) but this thingy where you have options; kinda like the mobile phone typa thing... using pinyin, of course...

English-- the more temping choice... of course it is easier and less time consuming, but the effect just isn't what i want... when i write in english, i always feel that its just too... simple. Too outright. Like, my thoughts are expressed too directly. That is not always a bad thing, i know, but when you pour out your soul, there are thoughts that you wouldn't want people to understand just so directly...

I rarely speak my thoughts; it just doesn't feel right...
Sometimes, one language simply can't express my feelings... like, there are words that i can only express in Chinese, or English... When i use Chinese, the feeling is always that it is so elegantly crafted, so beautiful... but of course, i type english much faster, thanks to the fact that it simply consists of 26 characters on the keyboard...

What am i doing? << asking my self all of a sudden...
I am just blabbering my thoughts out, i suppose... i'm just resting my mind, to try not to think about all the stressing homework...
I don't suppose anyone would read this... =.= its so long and boring, so repetitive... but at least i know I feel better after blabbering...
Hmmm....
But, this is nice. I know that all these posts will be saved, and in time i will look back upon it, and see my foolishness... and i will laugh, and treasure this memory...

Now that i mentioned that, i remember something i had decided upon...
I wish to seek back my childhood memories... memories that i treasure now, yet then, i did not even perceive of its valuable existence...

I am, tired...
I want to return to that time, when i was simply a innocent little girl... to play amongst my friends, without burden... Now, i look back, and my heart turns. How i wish those days would last forever... But i know, i will never be able to experience that same, pure joy again... my heart is weighed down with too many burdens, too many complex thoughts...
Time... I wish you were at my command...
I wish i could just go back and see the time when i was a primary school with my friends... i simply want to relive that part of my life...

Yet... i may never again see some of those old friends... I hope i can, though...
Some of these people have already moved on; perhaps they have moved to somewhere else, or have given up their email addresses, so that i can no longer reach them...
Perhaps, one day, fate will bring us together again...
So that we can all go together, and go back to SIS, to simply look at the children there, that we once were, laughing so purely, so happily...
Playing catch. In that simple activity, so many memories can be gathered...

Oh... where have i gone now? See what happens when i simply pour out? I myself is washed away, and my thoughts simply pour out from my fingertips, literally, onto my keyboard.
I, cease to exist. I become my memories, gathered thoughts that i have held together for many years, thoughts that may have been generated when i was looking at pictures, or simply as i go home from school...

Human minds, eh? Too many things happen in there, to be expressed...

I should stop soon... I still have a LOT of homework waiting for me to do...
Maybe i'll let open the door to my soul another time.

Eleanor...♥